Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (AND Vincent Price!)

Don’t expect to see Jody McCrea as Bonehead, fake surfing scenes, or the girl in the fringed dress shaking her … fringe. Don’t even expect to see more than a short glimpse of a beach! However, Dr. Goldfoot and Bikini Machine (hereafter, Dr. Goldfoot) is a spin-off of the beach party movies, and there are plenty of bikinis. It was produced in 1965 by American International, same filmmakers and writers, with claymation opening by Art Clokey. You will see funny cameos of Annette Funicello, Harvey Lembeck as Erich von Zipper, and Deborah Walley (the Gidget who went Hawaiian).
 

"The eyes of Goldfoot are upon you!"

Fred Clark

The best of Dr. Goldfoot is the amazing Vincent Price as the mad scientist with the golden shoes that resemble the footwear of Santa’s elves, complete with curled up toes. Price is obviously having a ball with his character, and thank heaven he is in almost all of the scenes. Without him, the movie would have been …well, pretty bad. Beach party alumnus Frankie Avalon plays Craig Gamble, a bumbling, clueless doofus who works for SIC, Secret Intelligence Command. Even though Craig is assistant to SIC director his Uncle Don (played by Fred Clark, droll and curmudgeonly), Craig has never moved up the ladder in the spy game – his code name is 00 ½. After Craig does something particularly stupid, Uncle Don demotes him to 00 ¼ , reminding him that he must remember he is a SIC man! So true.

Susan Hart

Dr. Goldfoot has created a 12-robot army, all gorgeous girls dressed in golden bikinis. He has programmed each one to seduce and marry 12 particular rich men and get their assets signed over, all of course to be given to Dr. Goldfoot. His assistant, Igor (Jack Mullaney) is not a hunchbacked dwarf. He has a greater handicap – he is really stupid! The exchanges between Price and Mullaney are hilarious. Poor Dr. Goldfoot regrets that he ever resurrected Igor from the dead, and is constantly berating him for being a blithering idiot, moron, etc. etc. Poor Igor just can’t win: (“Igor, you idiot! Why must you listen to me when I’m WRONG?!”).  Price often shouts to Igor “Shaddup!” -- a funny departure from Price’s otherwise perfect grammar and diction. One of the rich targets is Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman), who isn’t much brighter than Craig Gamble. Robot #11, Diane (lovely Susan Hart) is assigned to entice Todd . The two men are involved in a mix-up of identity for Diane. (This was an inside joke for AIP studio – in Ski Party, Hickman had played a character named Craig Gamble, and Avalon was Todd Armstrong – there are some references to this name switch throughout Dr. Goldfoot.) The slapstick unfolding of the plot holds no surprises, as in most of the beach party movies. In this one, it’s all about the good comedy script and really well-done comic delivery by Price, Avalon, Hickman and Mullaney.

Frankie Avalon

Dwayne Hickman

Some amusing aspects of Dr. Goldfoot include Dr. Goldfoot’s castle-like abode. It features not only a modern robot laboratory, but also an inquisition-type dungeon (complete with pit and pendulum, many shots of which are actual scenes from Price’s The Pit and the Pendulum.) His inventions include two “gifts” which the robots can give to possible female rivals – opera glasses which shoot out poisoned darts when help up to the eyes, and lipstick that fires laser beams when applied. There are, of course, many sex-referenced jokes:  (Robot Diane bends over a flat tire, pulling up her trench coat to reveal her bikini-topped leg, and opening her coat to reveal the whole package. She says to Todd “I’m completely flat!”, to which Todd naturally replies “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”). Dr. Goldfoot features only one song, and it is a completely forgettable, really bad number done by “Sam and the Apemen.” I bet you've never heard of them. Neither has anyone else. Price said later that the movie was supposed to have more numbers, and he was disappointed that it did not. It did, however, have The Supremes singing the title song. One very entertaining musical feature is heard when the robots are confused about their missions – sound effects include bits and pieces of those used in War of the Worlds and Forbidden Planet. AIP also released a sequel called Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs. Apparently, both Dr. Goldfoot movies were the inspiration for Mike Myers’ Austin Powers “fembots”.

Dr. Goldfoot is really funny, and I didn’t expect it to be that good. Price is the glue that holds it together, and spoofs himself beautifully. Avalon and Hickman also have real comic flair as the dimwitted duo. Here are a few stills from the movie (courtesy of bmoviescentral), to which I attached quotes from the movie:

"Creating a lovely creature like that to
waste her ... ammunition ... on a pauper?!"

No quote here. One might wonder about Avalon's
expression ... but this is a G-rated movie!

"Why me?  Why is it always me?"

"It can't be!"