The 5 Best TV Comedies ClassicBecky Didn't Like At All



I hope this is not my
fate after you read this.

Before I begin, I just want to tell my movie friends how much they mean to me, and how I would suffer in losing their friendship. I changed my mind about 35 times before deciding to count on the fairness and good humor of my friends in writing this little post  Of course, weekend blog posts don't get as much traffic, so perhaps I will retain some movie companions. Everyone has loving, nostalgic memories of comedy TV shows they watched as a child. I myself liked Gilligan's Island until the Professor made a radio out of coconuts rather than the more obvious need, A BOAT! The strange thing is, I could still sing the song word for word. So, for the fun of it, I am including the lyrics of the theme songs for each show. Without further ado, here are my picks for five comedy shows that I thought were just awful.  I pull no punches.  Some may be favorites for readers. If so, remember that the Classic Movie Blog Association does not allow foul language or disgusting pictures.

**Except for my summaries and comments, all quotes and trivia are taken from IMDB.  The theme song lyrics are from a lyric site, the name of which I can't remember, but consider this their credit.  Both of these sites have stuff  more interesting than the shows themselves**

My Mother, The Car

This inexplicable premise for a show actually made it onto the airwaves and lasted for 30 episodes in 1965. Jerry Van Dyke stars as David Crabtree, a man whose dead mother has reincarnated as a really special antique car. Ann Sothern is the voice of Mother, so fortunately she never has to actually appear. When Mother speaks to David, her voice comes from the radio, and the light blinks in sync with her voice. Avery Schreiber stars as Manzini, a stalker who wants the car, unaware that Ann Sothern is a built-in feature. Poor Jerry Van Dyke's career began and practically ended with this show. At the very same time, his brother Dick was captivating audiences with his show, one of the best comedies on TV. I wonder what Thanksgiving was like in the Van Dyke family.
Trivia:
*Jerry Van Dyke agreed to star on the series after turning down the lead role on Gilligan's Island and an offer to join the cast of the The Andy Griffith Show. (Bad moves, Jerry.)
Quotes:
*None. Even IMDB couldn't find a single funny quote.
Theme Song:
Everybody knows in a second life, we all come back sooner or later.
As anything from a pussycat to a man eating alligator.
Well you all may think my story, is more fiction than it's fact.
But believe it or not my mother dear decided she'd come back.
As a car...
She's my very own guiding star.
A 1928 Porter.
That's my mother dear.
'Cause she helps me through everything I do
And I'm so glad she's near.
(This guy has the ultimate Oedipus complex.)


Car 54, Where Are You

The wonderful Fred Gwynne plays Officer Muldoon, Joe E. Ross is Officer Toody and Al Lewis is Officer Schnauer. All very funny guys that I like like a lot. The story is about stupid policemen who do dumb things. That's about it. The show ran for 60 episodes in 1961-1963. The best thing that came from this show was that Fred Gwynne and Al Lewis ended up together in a cute show called The Munsters!  The worst thing is that this show won an EMMY for best director of a comedy -- was he the only nominee that year?!
Trivia:
*For the black-and-white location shots, the patrol cars were painted red so as not to confuse the local populace. (Confuse them? Didn't they see all the cameras and crew?)
*William Faulkner's favorite TV show. (The great William Faulkner! The author of "The Sound and the Fury"?  That makes me furious!)
Quotes:
*Officer Muldoon: "Here's your milk." (That's the only funny quote IMDB could find? What does that even  mean?!)
Theme Song:
There's a hold up in the Bronx,
Brooklyn's broken out in fights.
There's a traffic jam in Harlem
That's backed up to Jackson Heights.
There's a scout troop short a child,
Kruschev's due at Idlewild
Car 54, Where Are You?

The Flying Nun

Once upon a time (in the real world), there was a little nun who weighed about 85 pounds and wore the traditional habit of her order, which included a medieval coif that had wing-like sides. One day, when a tremendous wind was blowing, she was lifted off the ground about 1-1/2 inches for about 1-1/2 seconds. True story. From that funny little incident, a television show was born in which we watched Sister Bertrille (Sally Field) soar above trees and towns like the Mini-Me of 747s. Mother Superior Placido (Madeleine Sherwood) was always worrying. At least there was handsome Alejandro Rey as Carlos to look at. Somehow, they churned out 82 episodes, from 1967-1970. It was difficult to distinguish one episode from another, so the writers had a really plum job. Fortunately, Sally Field was not typecast as a flying nun, and went on to become a wonderful actress with a great career.
Trivia:
*Patty Duke was originally the first choice for the role of Sister Bertrille.
*In one episode, Sister Bertrille is looking at home movies of herself from when she was a teenager. The home movies were actually footage from Sally Field's previous series Gidget.
*Sponsors of The Flying Nun include Oscar Meyer and Colgate-Palmolive, makers of Fab Detergent, Bright Side Shampoo, and Palmolive Dish Liquid. (Well, I thought that was interesting.)
*At the time of the series' popularity, MAD MAGAZINE did a parody of Sister Bertrille, The Flying Nun in which she was "Sister Brazil, The Flying Nut." (Gotta love it.)
Quotes:
Sister Bertrille: Could you please help? I'll give you five percent of the profit!
Carlos: Sister Bertrille -- five per cent of nothing is still nothing!!
(Again, the only funny quote IMDB had. Ha.....ha.)
Theme:
You don't need wings to flyyyyyyyy
Tiptoe through the skyyyyyyyy
As long as you got hea-ven byyyyyyyyyyy
You don't need wings to flyyyyyyyy
(Short, but pointless.)
(Don't you love the way the lyric site used all the y's to make it look melodic?  Duh.)

Green Acres

It is a shame that a fine actor like Eddie Albert (Oliver Wendell Douglas) will be remembered as an idiot who forks hay in his suit and tie. Eva Gabor (Lisa Douglas) didn't suffer from her part, as she was always considered a ditzy blonde with a sexy accent anyway. She was always trying to be a farm wife while dripping with diamond earrings, necklaces, rings...kind of reminds me of June Cleaver, who always vacuumed wearing high heels and a string of pearls. Oh no, don't worry -- I loved the Beav (Eddie Haskell was my favorite.)  Green Acres (as much of a turkey as any you'd find on a farm) ran for 170 episodes in 1965-1971). But then, the TV poll people never asked my opinion. The show did have a cute cast of characters played by decent actors: Pat Buttram (Mr. Haney), Frank Cady (Sam Drucker), Tom Lawson (Eb), Eleanor the cow, and best of all, Arnold the Pig.

Trivia:
*Mr. Haney had a basset hound named Cynthia who had a crush on Arnold.
*Before Eddie Albert was considered for the part of Oliver, the producers were seriously considering Don Ameche for the part.
*There has been considerable conjecture offered regarding in what state Green Acres might be set. (Seriously? Considerable conjecture?)
*Arnold the Pig was the only cast member to win an award for a performance in a sitcom. He won the coveted "Patsy" Award in 1967, given to the best performance by an animal. (Ouch! Sorry, real actors!)
*Although according to legend the pig that played Arnold was eaten by the cast and crew, Tom Lester has said that he just said it one time as a joke. (Aww! Too bad. that would have been the perfect ending for this oinker -- the show, not the pig.)
Quote:
*Oliver Wendell Douglass: [after watching a "conversation" between Lisa and an oinking Arnold] How
can you carry on a conversation with him? I can't understand a thing he's saying!
Lisa Douglas: That's because you don't LISTEN
(Pure Shakespeare.)
Theme:
Green acres is the place for me.
Farm livin' is the life for me.
Land spreadin' out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.
New York is where I'd rather stay.
I get allergic smelling hay.
I just adore a penthouse view.
Dah-ling I love you but give me Park Avenue.
...The chores.
...The stores.
...Fresh air.
...Times Square
You are my wife. (Well, it was the 60's.)
Good bye, city life.
Green Acres we are there.

Petticoat Junction

Let's see -- pretty girls bathing in the altogether in a water tower, draping their underwear over the sides -- yeah, we can make a series out of that. And they did -- 222 episodes in 1963-1970. Again, nobody asked my opinion. Good thing for the network, which made a boatload of money on this one. And, once again, there was a good cast of actors (well, some were just pretty): Edgar Buchanan (Uncle Joe), Bea Benaderet (Kate), Frank Cady (cross-over from Green Acres as Sam Drucker), Linda Henning (Betty Jo), Lori Saunders (Bobbie Jo) and Meredith MacRae (Billie Joe). I liked the name of the Shady Rest Hotel, ,and the name of the train, The Cannon Ball.
Trivia:
*The dog on the show was simply named "Dog". While the dog's name was supposed to be Higgins, the name was never mentioned by any characters. (Then why name him at all?) His last acting role was as the title character in the movie Benji. (I really liked Benji!)
*Set in the same town as Green Acres. Characters from that series often appeared on this one. The series was also linked to The Beverly Hillbillies and the two shows occasionally crossed over. (I'm too scared to say anything about The Beverly Hillbillies.)
Quotes: Nada. Not one. (They might at least have mentioned the cool train whistle.)
Theme:
Come ride the little train that is rolling down the tracks to the junction.
(Petticoat Junction)
Forget about your cares, it is time to relax at the junction.
(Petticoat Junction)
Lotsa curves, you bet. Even more when you get
To the junction.
(Petticoat Junction)
There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction.
(Petticoat Junction)
It is run by Kate, come and be her guest at the junction.
(Petticoat Junction)
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a movin' kind of slow at the junction,

(Petticoat Junction)

(Did anybody say Petticoat Junction?)

If it will redeem me at all, I still remember the tunes and words to all the theme songs -- I wish I had retained algebra that well!